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Post by alvaper01 on May 26, 2015 14:03:11 GMT -5
Hello, I'm alvaper01 or Albert. This is my first try at writing a "Niklas style" story. During the writing I was able to use any name for the characters, but I thought Niklas and Co. would fit just natural in the format. But it wasn't my intention to "modify" or "harm" the already established features of those characters, so I apologize if you feel I did so. The main (a bit long) story is about an encounter of Niklas and Co. with a "witch", and what happened after it. It have some twists and seemingly loose ends. It is based on some events I remember of my own childhood, although those aren't as dramatic... If you think the pace change noticeable, in some places, it is because the story was done by two persons, my good friend and me. This is the first part of the story. I am open to any feeback, good bad or worse ... I also apologize for unusual expressions, because english is not my first language. Thank you for your time, alvaper01/Albert. 1. Mowing..doc (48.5 KB) 2. The black cat..doc (61.5 KB) 3. Running..doc (17 KB)
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Post by alvaper01 on May 26, 2015 14:12:39 GMT -5
Hello, here alvaper01/Albert. This is the second part of the story "The witch". I post it this way because I don't know how to make a complete post. Sorry. Do you think the story worths keeping reading? Thank you for your time, alvaper01/Albert. 4. Running in the rain..doc (18.5 KB) 5. More rain..doc (23 KB) 6. Quick shower..doc (36.5 KB)
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Post by alvaper01 on May 26, 2015 14:16:55 GMT -5
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Post by alvaper01 on May 26, 2015 14:23:28 GMT -5
Hello, here's alvaper01/Albert. Fourth, and fortunately, final, part of story "The witch". I wonder if I should post it as a text file, rather than a Word file... Sorry for any inconvenience... And, finally, thank you for your time and effort, alvaper01/Albert. 10. Morning..doc (11.5 KB)
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Post by andrew on May 26, 2015 22:14:34 GMT -5
Hey, thanks for the effort, and for adding your work for us to read! I read the first chapter by the moment, ant it was quite funny the depictions of how Niklas would skip work at first... find it quite accurate. I'm sure reading the next chapters, and if you like, a little comment after. And, by the way, read new stories is not an inconvenience at all, and thanks beforehand for your efforts on such. Be well.
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Post by andrew on Jun 7, 2015 22:25:52 GMT -5
Well, I ended the reading of your tale, and, overall, was quite interesting. Some time that i don't see a N&F related fan story, and was really glad to see one using the characters. On the good side, I understood every scene you depicted, and some situations, specially on the start, were quite funny and enjoyable. Also, enjoyed the portraiture of the different characters, and the coherency with their age and personality, in most of the scenes. The dialogues were quite good and made me laugh in some scenes, and sincerely enjoyed Niklas mom and dad interventions, which blended very well on the tale, in my opinion. Also the dialogues (and attitude)of the kids were proper and very believable, so i liked these a lot, which is quite surprising, specially when it's kinda hard to imagine some aspects of characters made by other people. However, it could be really improved in many ways, mostly formal ones rather than over content. The most important one, speaking about content, was the fact of that sometimes, specially on the last chapters, depicted consecutively two different scenarios, and the switch in between happened with a kinda abrupt transition. So, sometimes couldn't figure about which sleepover were the paragraph, at least until a proper review. Also, it would have been nice some sort of closure, or at least a little more of involvement of the original characters you made, since sometimes it's nice to give them a more in deep depiction, unless you pretend to continue developing them in the future, and trait discovery is part of the plot, as many tales do. I would have really enjoyed to see such special "neighbors" carrying cookies to the Edlund's after the storm, and see the kid's reaction! On the more formal side, the first chapters seemed quite regular, but there were some too long and too short for the whole: chapter size is difficult to manage, at first, so it's quite understandable, and no one will demand a mathematical proportion about it; but on your tale, my opinion is that would benefit greatly if the sleepovers would be merged onto independent chapters, to improve the coherency in between each scenario, so it would be not necessary to switch every few paragraphs to keep the time line over it... it can be perfectly done with less and separated chapters, specially on the last ones, since the first didn't had such issue. After this mouthful, I want to give you my sincere thanks for the reading, and hope you keep the writing, not only about N&F : there's a space on the forum for independent projects, and even some childhood memories are welcome, as Schneehasse made. So, real or fiction, sincerely want to encourage you to make more stories, whatever their length, and if you have some doubt about if it's suitable for publication, just ask to any editor, or Jonathan, the administrator, who may take some time, but it's there. Congrats, and be well.
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Post by Lyel on Jun 13, 2015 9:20:38 GMT -5
Hi Albert, Got it all, thank you. Going to read it when time allows
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