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Post by andrew on Aug 6, 2014 21:09:05 GMT -5
New chapter added : Brothers and Mom
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Post by ravengrim on Aug 7, 2014 15:09:35 GMT -5
Quite an amazing story, I really enjoyed reading
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Post by ravengrim on Aug 7, 2014 16:14:26 GMT -5
I especially like how easily you handle your words. Well, there are some mistakes in spelling and grammar, but those are negligible, and I didn't recognize a wide use of greater stylistic devices which isn't needed in that kind of story anyway (But you did it in the chapters about Kovacevic, which is, in my opinion, still unmatched your best story so far). Concerning structure there's only one thing that doesn't really seem to fit for me. In the chapter when the Cherkovs beat the hell out of Larry and his minions, you start with a flashback, which is really nice. But when you come to that moment again later in the story, you repeat the whole dialogue, which I think isn't necessary. Apart from that I found it quite good, the story always kept my interest and could be read fluently. Then, I found that scene with that old guy and the shaman lady a little bizarre, but that may have been your intention, I don't know. Is a matter of taste, anyway. I mean, what could they find while striding through the forest? Hippies! Didn't expect that at all, but hey, why not? Overall I really enjoyed this tale about Jan and his new brothers, and I'm curious how it goes on And I hope that Jan and Misha can stop Slava and Oleshka from beeing such violent thugs, because apart from that they are so lovely though.
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Post by andrew on Aug 23, 2014 3:57:41 GMT -5
Thank you Ravengrim, for your great and very constructive review . By the way, New chapter added, "Soreness". Enjoy
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Post by ravengrim on Aug 23, 2014 11:30:47 GMT -5
Your 10th chapter is really great! And I noticed, you're getting ever better in language. Only one obvious thing: "After some request and waiting for Mirjana Novak to receive her son's phone call, he could talk with she her." Can hardly wait for the continuation! Cheers
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Post by andrew on Aug 23, 2014 18:10:35 GMT -5
Well, a really silly mistake... i guess i was little drowsy when i wrote that part of the tale. Thanks for noticing it. I corrected, and made some minor adjustments. Also, I’m very glad you liked it! Hope to see more of your work soon, too
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Post by ravengrim on Aug 23, 2014 23:00:06 GMT -5
Well, I'd love to continue my story but for some reason it's getting more and more difficult. The main problem is the English language which too often prevents me of telling the things in the way I want to. It's hard, really. I just checked out Tolkien's "Fellowship of the Ring" and noticed that the used language is much more "simple" than in it's German translation. Maybe I have to accept that the English language does obviously not offer too much linguistic brilliancies. Ok, sounds quite arrogant, I admit. But correct me if I'm wrong. Ugh... procrastination at its finest! Alright, concetrate and continue writing! I shouldn't play so much computer games in my freetime...
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Post by andrew on Aug 28, 2014 17:22:28 GMT -5
Amazing Illustration for the chapter 10 "soreness", courtesy of Ravengrim. Thank you very much
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Post by andrew on Aug 31, 2014 18:50:07 GMT -5
New Chapter added: 11 "Shining Moon", under the 10, and the new illustration. Enjoy
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Post by andrew on Sept 2, 2014 21:50:41 GMT -5
New Chapter added: 12 "Prince Cuddlebottoms" Enjoy
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Post by andrew on Sept 9, 2014 18:52:08 GMT -5
The last chapters for "roots for the future had been added! So, I consider this part of the story (of the beginning of such friendship) as complete. I'll keep adding more stories, of course, but in the tale "A new brotherhood" now (14 chapters is a mouthful, anyways, for a beginning ) So, hope you like them. And thank you for reading, and your kind comments about it. The journey of the "new brothers" has just began
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Post by ravengrim on Sept 10, 2014 18:35:32 GMT -5
I loved that story and really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for that! Also, the very last passage of your last chapter is quite amazing! Great metaphor!
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Post by andrew on Sept 11, 2014 0:09:28 GMT -5
Thank you. Glad you liked it; and happy you noticed such detail I had to review some chapters anyway... i wrote the word "him" almost 6 times onto a single paragraph! When re-reading, that made my own eyes bleed, so i have been redoing some parts. Really appreciate your comments on the stories, and your illustrations, that are just amazing. And hope you're doing nicely by there . I'll be waiting to see your projects, too, while putting more tales on the table. Be well.
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Post by andrew on Dec 22, 2014 23:07:09 GMT -5
Short depictions added to the chapters
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Post by andrew on Dec 3, 2015 20:30:10 GMT -5
Ravengrim's illustrations added meanwhile I get a host to display them properly.
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